I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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