If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
