Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
