Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
