take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It's blow job season.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
