Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
