OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
