He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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