Plan B is the new Plan A
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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