Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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