soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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