Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
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i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are all done wearing pants today
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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