i already hear my dad disowning me
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
