You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
