what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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