just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
