Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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