the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize
