he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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