1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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