After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
