And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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