I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
