I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
