I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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