Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
