My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
