remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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