I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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