saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
