i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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