I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
is that a dick in a sweater?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
