I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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