Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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