I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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