I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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