I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
