Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
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then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
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So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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