my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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