I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
