how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
