i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
