I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
