I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
