I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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