Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Acid is not a monday night drug
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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