At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
