Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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