Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
