God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
