New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE