Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
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aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
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Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?