White coat. Heels.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
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I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
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he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.