Yo dont text me then not text me
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...