look no pants
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
