a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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