How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Sex with a fat chick.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
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I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
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I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.