so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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