i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh