if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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