I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
