sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
