I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize