Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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