I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize