we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Randomize
