I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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