I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
