We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
