I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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