he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
