Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
