pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
