idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Randomize
