This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
