At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
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