Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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