What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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