Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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