Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
God, I missed his penis.
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