My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
