It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
