you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
